A little Alien Nation on the side...

I think we place our ability to confuse ourselves firmly on our shoulders when we travel. We take each and every preconception that our culture has built up over the time of our lives and manage to manifest it in the way we react to the places we find ourselves in.

Thailand managed to do this to me in both the positive and the negative. I find myself, as I sit here in England, feeling very divided in my response to Thailand- both loving and hating at the same time and not really at peace with myself for any of these feelings. I feel clearly that while it is my own inability to be as open to another culture that has diminished my enjoyment of what Thailand had to offer, it is also that- such an alien culture as I experienced acts as its own anchor in stopping us from truly appreciating what there was to be experienced. Some of my experiences have truly shaken my concept of where I thought I stood in the world.

My first night in Bangkok after experiencing the Wild West/East that was Hat Yai was a short trip down to Pat Pong searching for the proverbial lady boys that S insists about.

Pat pong is the sobering side of the economic commercial engine that seems to be the public face of Thailand. Within a few steps I was accosted by offers of everything from socks to watches- pirate DVDs to hawker delights for the palate and all number of offers for massage, pussy shows, drinkies, sex tapes and all such.

One man after another approached me with offers of ladies, of men; one came up and said “little boys?”
I sad “Lady Boys?”
He said “no, little boys”
And as I walked on shaking my head I returned to my Hotel wondering about a place where everything is for sale. I wasn't tempted.

And yet it is hard to really see (with the exception of anyone labelled little) where there is a victim to find as so many of these people are participating in this with their eyes open- economic necessity does not altogether explain the situation. I have yet to resolve the conflict of feelings that first night generated.

The next couple of days included some shopping complexes- one of which had a car hall on the fourth floor for Minis, Ferraris and BMW’s, two tours which found me looking at animals, stoking tigers and shaking my head at the commercialisation that the Thais are bringing to the death railway. I tried to imagine what it would be like to have set up a shopping market offering antique souvenirs out side Auschwitz.

One disappointment for me was that my Thai friend,Win, was unavailable- in fact he was in Vietnam- and so my eyes were ever of the outsider looking in- not even given tihe insight I was able to gain in Malaysia.

But this, in itself, has a payoff for me as it has really helped me to think about the concept of culture -that we are all aliens in the places we dwell except within the culture we feel the closest resonance for- and despite our best efforts to fit into an adopted culture it is really impossible- we can really only ever be a stranger in a strange land. Real culture is not a commodity, it cannot be bought, sold or given away, it canot be taken just because you say you want it- it operates on a level that is beyond the ability of the media to commodify it. It delves into that spiritual centre that is different in each of us but that allows us to recognise it in others, the points in common that mark us as family beyond blood.

Thailand for me was a place where I could not stand, a place where I did not belong in a way that I have never experienced before- it excited me as much as it frightened me. But beyond all that it gifted me with a sense of who I am and who I am not.

It is known as the land of smiles but most of the time that was pretty difficult to see- I believe it is going through some trials at the moment that it must to come out a stronger nation.

But out of the corner of one eye in those moments when I was allowed beyond the fringe of the Farang I was lucky enough to glimpse some of what being Thai means.

One Example. We stopped at a waterfall after visiting the Tiger Temple and half the locals seemed to be out enjoying their Sunday afternoon. I was walking along, crossing a bridge when I heard “Left, Left” in time with my footsteps. I looked around and there was a group, a family group of Thais watching me walking and chatting in Thai as I went. Luckily out of the corner of my eye I saw the step at the end of the bridge just before I fell over it. General merriment broke out with big smiles and waves to me for not falling for their joke and with a replying smile and a wave I walked on.

In that one moment I glimpsed an ease and a humour I saw nowhere else in Thailand though I know it is there- but I am the outsider and they are the aliens upon whose soil I was trailing over.